Have you ever felt that God was trying to tell you something but you just weren't getting it? Those moments when you made a choice but the right one keeps coming back at you in different forms? I believe in the power of prayer; I believe in God and his ways of talking to us and answering prayers, albeit not in the traditional sense of reasoning.
I don't believe that prayer should be a template and I don't think that every time we talk to God that it should be asking for something. Sometimes it is just good to talk, the more that you talk things through and search out the answers there is a higher chance of finding the answers that you require; maybe not the answers that you want, but the answers that you require nonetheless.
I have been having a nagging thought that keeps resurfacing for the past several months. I did not act on my thought because I simply pushed it aside as my own "want" for a change and the desire of something more. I convinced myself that because of the situation that I am in is why I start manifesting these thoughts, feelings, and urges. Well needless to say I did not act on them so they were acted upon me. It is funny that every time I have a strong personal need to talk to a particular someone the phone ends up ringing and we talk for hours.
This is not merely a coincidence like saying you were going to call someone and them calling you as you were about to pick up the phone. So it is not a coincidence because I haven't talked to him in ages and it has been longer since I have actually seen him. Our lives in the past few years have traveled in parallels. We are very close ... he is probably the only person I feel the most comfortable with in any situation. So anyway back to parallels. I wouldn't say that we lost contact or that we had a falling out because things are always the same. It has probably been close to a year since our last conversation. But time doesn't change our relationship it actually strengthens the bond.
See this is what I do. I spend so much time on trying to rationalize the meaning that I am oblivious to the obvious truth! It takes an actual concrete, solidifying action in order for the "Aha !" light to go on. I do know the meaning, I do understand the significance but this time the significance is merely one of those messages that says hold on... there shall be more to come later. I think that is exactly what I needed. I know that a lot of people reading this will not know exactly what I am saying because I don't like to go too far into detail. Written and spoken words can be misconstrued but is the impact of my feelings that I am trying to convey.
It is pretty powerful when you get an answer to an unspoken prayer. the answer to the prayer whispered in your soul.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Some people need to grow up
I am not usually a complainer. I typically keep it to myself and vent to a friend or something if I really need to blow off some steam; but this last little episode has me so angry I just can't seem to calm down. I don't know maybe I am not allowing myself the time to cool off but it is just so frustrating to think about.
So some people must think that I am pretty dumb or oblivious or something. but HELLO... it is so totally obvious. Without saying the whole story I just wanted to say that if you are man enough to make adult decisions the be a damn man and own up to the responsibilities. And if you can't handle it then stay the hell away because I don't want it around me and I sure as hell don't want that kind of a person to be around my son. The kind of role models a young child needs in his/her life is one that can at very least STICK AROUND instead of running away like a scared little puppy dog. Someone that can put differences aside and actually be there for him instead of having ulterior motives. Someone that says they are going to do something and ACTUALLY DO IT. Not a coward.
I do not want it around me. But I especially do no want it around MY son. Anyone male ( because i sure as hell cannot say man) can father a child but it takes a real man to be a dad.
So some people must think that I am pretty dumb or oblivious or something. but HELLO... it is so totally obvious. Without saying the whole story I just wanted to say that if you are man enough to make adult decisions the be a damn man and own up to the responsibilities. And if you can't handle it then stay the hell away because I don't want it around me and I sure as hell don't want that kind of a person to be around my son. The kind of role models a young child needs in his/her life is one that can at very least STICK AROUND instead of running away like a scared little puppy dog. Someone that can put differences aside and actually be there for him instead of having ulterior motives. Someone that says they are going to do something and ACTUALLY DO IT. Not a coward.
I do not want it around me. But I especially do no want it around MY son. Anyone male ( because i sure as hell cannot say man) can father a child but it takes a real man to be a dad.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Pharm in a month
School has been so hectic on my life in general that i don't seem to have much of anything to life now besides studying. I get so frustrated with this college sometimes b/c they treat lectures like we are babies but test us like we are experts! What is up with that?
I mean seriously I have never felt like so much of an idiot as sitting through some of these lectures. They hand you the powerpoint notes before the lecture and READ what is written on them. Now come on if I am in college I think that it is pretty well established that i can read. So then we get tested, pardon me for being the nerd but I enjoy. The test comes and some of these questions are out of left field. I have done pretty well on the tests in this class so far and I still have an A for the class but here is when the really fun part comes. not only do you sit down for this test the instructor grades it and compiles a percentage for each question on how many students got it wrong. There have been so many questions thrown out that it is ridiculous. If I recieved a 90 on a test I earned the 90 not the 93. Most people don't complain about the grade going up but it gets better. The unfair part about this is when you do well on tests the thrown out questions don't affect your grade. so i went up three points on this one particular test; another student went up 7 another went up 10. It is an uneven distribution of points and is not fair, not right. I believe that it is dumbing down the college system.
I mean seriously I have never felt like so much of an idiot as sitting through some of these lectures. They hand you the powerpoint notes before the lecture and READ what is written on them. Now come on if I am in college I think that it is pretty well established that i can read. So then we get tested, pardon me for being the nerd but I enjoy. The test comes and some of these questions are out of left field. I have done pretty well on the tests in this class so far and I still have an A for the class but here is when the really fun part comes. not only do you sit down for this test the instructor grades it and compiles a percentage for each question on how many students got it wrong. There have been so many questions thrown out that it is ridiculous. If I recieved a 90 on a test I earned the 90 not the 93. Most people don't complain about the grade going up but it gets better. The unfair part about this is when you do well on tests the thrown out questions don't affect your grade. so i went up three points on this one particular test; another student went up 7 another went up 10. It is an uneven distribution of points and is not fair, not right. I believe that it is dumbing down the college system.
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