It's a Wonderful Life

This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year right?? So why am I so bummed out, cynical, sarcastic, and just depressed i guess. Sometimes I think that I know but I overanalyze situations and I tend to read too far into certain things; therefore how do I know if the conclusions I have come to are the real reasons for my feelings and attitudes or just manifestations in order to not even deal with anything on a personal level WITH MYSELF.

Oh who knows I guess that I am being a little irrational. I mean sure I don't feel the greatest but no one is wise to it. I certainly do enjoy things for Max's sake he is having a blast with all the decorations, music, cookies, and books! I enjoy the moments that I am spending with him ... I just tend to feel kind of lost mainly when I am alone. I don't know maybe it is even simply that. The feeling of being alone.

I shouldn't feel alone living in a house with 5 other people but I do. A lot. Being here in is not all that I expected it to be. When I first moved here I loved it. Now I just really miss everyone... some more than others. ;) ... No I do miss everyone I was just really close with some people and this distance makes that hurt a lot knowing I can't just drive a few minutes away and share time with a close friend. I don't really have anyone here.

Yeah I have my family... but when you live with them things run a little different. I don't know I tend to clam up a lot more when i feel that it may hurt someone's feelings... especially in close quarters and knowing that I am creating somewhat of a burdern (whether it is admitted or not).

Uhhhhhhh I know who I miss I just can't seem to bring myself to pick up the phone and say what I need to say...... Oh no ... it is much better to let things build up

Argh

I have just been having one of those months that keeps proving to me over and over why I don't trust people. I don't know maybe I am being harsh and maybe i am reading into things way too much. I don't even know how to feel about some things.
I guess that I am mixed up in my own little world and could care less about anyone else right now but it still hurts even if I don't show it. From being snubbed to people outright lying to my face and to being treated with kid gloves is really starting to get to me. One of these days I am just going to snap.