Still going

I just really haven't felt much like blogging lately, almost as if there isn't much to say. Life's day-to-day routines have left me feeling more like a robot than an actual human being. A lot is going on in my world, or at least a lot of planning, and I can't seem to get out of my own way. So I can lay it out for you as best I can

Since being unemployed I have gone through the emotional and psychological motions. It isn't an easy thing to do, even though I spend my days at home with Max. Before having a child I used to think that was what I wanted to be a SAHM, but some days it literally drives me crazy. I love being here with Max, however the majority of the day is just that. I don't seem to have much in the line of a social life anymore now since I am in FL. I have attempted to get out and at least meet moms with children Max's age but those conversations prove to be generally one sided and intellectually insufficient. I absolutely love my son, and I am very proud when he learns new things, but I don't want that to be the topic of every discussion I have for the rest of my life.

However, on the school front things seem to be progressing. I have taken the NET, and scored a much higher percentage than I thought I would. Next in that process I need to get my resume together. Once I have that together I need to find a way to weasel some letters of recomendations out of some people to prepare for the interview. I am not really worried about the interview, it can't be to much different from a job interview. I am really just taking that as it comes, if it is meant to happen it will. This whole thing has seems to have fallen into my lap as it is.

This summer is in full swing now that Nick is out of school. I am home with two boys, a 10 yr. and 1 1/2 yr., and we have a very full schedule. I am a typical "type A" personality, I love lists. Actually, I seem to thrive on them, so I have everyday of the week already planned out. Mondays we take a bike ride down to the park, play, have lunch then come back. Tuesdays I bring the to GiGi's , because I clean for about two hours, then we spend the rest of the day, after naps, in our own yard. Wednesdays we go to the pool at BCC. Thursdays are the other cleaning day partnered with an errand day. And Fridays we go to the zoo. Of course our schedule is subject to change given Florida's weather, but the plan is in place. I do enjoy when we come back home for the moose's nap, 2 hours to clean house and have some well deserved me-time.

Although, lately I have not had a lot of time to myself, atleast not doing anything to renew my spirit, which I should be doing. I think the best thing that I have going in that area is talking to ylliB :) I don't know if it is the familiarity, or what but it just seems to make my day when I get to talk to him. Seems a little off I am sure, especially to those on the outside looking in. For instance, my mom has made plenty of references to when Billy and I were a couple. She is not hinting at "getting together" she is more along the lines hinting how she "knew" we wouldn't end up together .... but Billy was here to stay. I understand where she is going with this one, however, it does seem redundant at times. She is looking out for my best interests and doesn't want to see me running off to get married when I need to be in school. But, what she doesn't see is how much I need this.

Billy has been my saving grace these past couple months. He has always been there for me and I can open up to him even now after not really talking intimately for quite a few years. I really appreciate him for that.

Oh well it will all be figured out one way or another in the end, and it usually is for the best so I am just learning to let things ride thier course.

If it comes back to you its yours

How do you know if you stopped loving someone? If they come back and you still have feelings is it love or is it just the desire to love and be loved.
If it is love... how do you tell them that you never stopped loving them?